One of the midwives had to hold my left foot in place otherwise my whole leg would have just given way. The nurse that held my leg was my main pushing coach. She told me to push like I was on the toilet, opening my bowels - lovely! So that's what I did. Now you've got to remember I was very spaced out and the epidural meant I could literally feel nothing down there. The only sensation I had was a slight pressure, but no pain. So I focused on the pressure and pushed. It was honestly the weirdest non feeling/feeling. I knew something was happening because the midwives were encouraging and told me that there was progress. Not being able to see probably didn't help, but I wouldn't have wanted the visual anyway. Some women use a mirror to help see and therefore focus on their pushes, this was not for me. I could call it phantom pushing, it was happening, I was doing it but I couldn't feel it.
As soon as a contraction came on I had to push. I knew I was having a contraction because I would have a sensation comparable to heavy butterflies dancing in my pelvis. That's literally what it felt like. The butterflies didn't hurt, not one bit, they just, danced. My midwives also knew I was having a contraction because it would show up on the monitor. Yes, the monitor was still on measuring my contractions and monitoring Orlando's heartbeat, it stayed on until after I'd given birth. So every single time I started to feel the butterflies the midwives would then tell me to push and off I would go.
I had to take a deep breath, hold it, put my chin to my chest and push, push, push until they told me to stop. Then exhale and take a big breath in again, chin to chest and push, push, push. At one stage I had a massive vomit and with that vomit the spaced out feeling that was engulfing me dissipated straight away. It was such a relief to feel "normal" again.
The time between 1pm and 2pm when my obstetrician came back went very quickly. One minute I was faux pushing. The next he was in the room asking the midwives to get stirrups so I could put my legs up. Despite all the technology that buzzes around hospitals when you give birth the good old stirrups are still used. So with my legs in the archaic stirrups it was time to listen to my obstetrician.
If there was ever a instance for me to do what I was told, it was now. My obstetrician told me exactly when to push and precisely when to stop to try and avoid tearing. Yes, tearing. It does happen and really it's the least of your worries at this stage. I'd have to say most girl's I know who've given birth have had a tear, unfortunately it's almost part and parcel.
So I pushed away, it would have been an hour, around 3pm when all of a sudden my obstetrician said "put your hands down here and feel the top of his head, come on". I started reaching down and all of a sudden I could feel a tiny, kind of round, very bumpy, slimy, hairy head. My stars! What a strange, strange thing to feel. The situation was rapidly becoming more and more surreal yet real at the same time. Everything was finally coming together.
There was more pushing. There was always more pushing and more encouraging. Hamish, the midwives everyone kept telling me that I was doing a fantastic job. More pushing, more pushing, push, push, push.
Then it happened.
My obstetrician said "quick, quick get your baby" and I reached down to a tiny, slippery set of shoulders and pulled my little darling Orlando out into the world and onto my chest.
Here he was, my slip of a human, our baby boy.
He didn't cry at first, he just nuzzled into my chest then after a few seconds his announcement into this world, his cry, started. Hamish was crying, I was crying, Orlando was crying. What a hopeless, ecstatic, loved up mess we were. That cry has slowly changed since the day he was born but I'll never forget the first time I heard it.
When his daddy held him, he opened his little eyes. Oh my God to look into his eyes. Words cannot explain the swell of love that I felt in my chest. Here he was, staring, at his daddy.
In 24 hours we had gone from a couple to a family of 3. I cannot explain to you how blessed and in love we felt. It was overwhelming and it was at this point that the real adventure began.
And that's the end of my labour story.
Thank you so much for sticking around and reading all the parts.
I've started writing about what happened afterwards already.
Are you interested in reading about it?
If people are I will post it, maybe I've bored you with birthing stories though :/ :/ :/
Let me know in the comments!
xox
